A midnight thought

I remember before I was about to get married begging my Savior for peace and comfort as I was about to enter the house of The Lord. The temple is such a sacred thing to me as it should be. I don't know if it was because I didn't go a whole lot in my youth or what but something about the unknown can always be extremely scary especially when you hear all these crazy rumors. When I went inside for the first time my thoughts and emotions were everywhere I was scared, terrified, happy, and peaceful all at the same time. But one thing I was not was sad.

 For the first time in my life I realized why this life is worth living. I had a very sad and traumatic time as a youth. Just like every other girl I struggled with body image thinking was I ever pretty enough and trying to fit into the it crowd, and wondering if guys would like me. It seemed like I just simply was not living with a purpose. Life is extremely hard and heavy when you don't know your important and don't know what you are here on earth to do. 

When you graduate from high school we all go our own different paths. Some move out of state, some serve missions, many go to college, and like me some just get married and begin to have children. What ever it may be it should be for yourself. I have known since I was a little girl that when I graduated high school I wanted to be married and have kids just as my mother did. Thank goodness I was able to find the love of my life at such a young age.  

When I met Travis the first thing I did was touch his hand. Now physical reaction is very important because you can tell a persons vibe very strongly with one simple touch. This touch was so powerful compared to what I felt was love with others I had dated. This touch was so powerful it left a mark on me and it was almost as if I couldn't be apart from him.  So soon after we dated for awhile we got engaged and a few months later married.

There I was a week before my wedding sitting in the temple pondering about this life. I remember looking over and seeing a friend of mine who was there to support me and she was sitting down praying. I looked over at her and I saw a glow. I've never seen a glow like this before. It was a light that was beaming so bright I couldn't help but cry I knew in my heart that she was a friend in the previous life.  After I saw her my soon to be husband at the time took me in the middle of this beautiful all white room and suddenly it was just me and him. I remember him whispering to me "doesn't this feel like heaven?" and it was just that it was heaven. I just know that when I die that is what I get to look forward to. Death is not a scary thing it's a beautiful thing. Although it's hard when we lose someone close to us our loved ones are not far they are simply right in front of us we just can't see them.

We are only here on earth for a short period of time and although we've all had our different trials in life we have to reflect on that experience. My mother use to comfort me after a boy broke my heart. At the time I thought why me. How could this happened to me. It may not be a death of a loved one or a terminal illness but for me this was something extremely hard on me. Especially because I just wanted to have a love like my parents. Two days before my wedding my mother sat me down and we started just to reflect on my life. My mother said to me don't you just feel like when we go through these traumatic experiences in life think that we are never going to move forward but what we don't realize is everyday it gets just a little bit smaller. And before we know it it's been years since this happened and somehow we  made it thus far. This life is short and sweet and nothing in life is easy it's just growing us stronger a little at a time.